life

By Lindsay Lamb

During these trying times, I have been calling on skills I learned in my previous role as the program evaluation coordinator of social and emotional learning in the Austin Independent School District (AISD). Sometimes I need help, sometimes my kids need help, sometimes my husband needs help, sometimes a friend needs help… sometimes we ALL need help.

As is the case with all of us, these days have been an emotional roller coaster. Some days are great, and some days are not so great.

I take on most of the childcare duties for my 5-year-old and 20-month-old and one thing that has helped me is establishing a routine for each day. We weave in zoom meetings for my two children’s gather times, dance classes, and a children’s time at our church. None of that includes my work! Finding time for phone calls or Zoom meetings outside these limited hours is difficult, but I make it work sometimes requiring a muted call, blocked video, or both. My only alone time is working early in the morning before the family is awake so I can have some solid uninterrupted work time (and sometimes, like today, that only lasts until 6:30 because both kids decide to get up early). I work during nap/quiet time depending on how long the baby naps – sometimes 45 minutes, sometimes 3 hours. Sometimes I still need to finish up something after the kids go to bed at night. This all makes for very long days for me without any breaks. Why do I do this? So that I can continue finding meaning and purpose in my life. Otherwise, everything in my day will be consumed by caring for others and Covid-19.

Generally, I am doing okay, but there are definitely moments when I am at my wits end, when I need to remember to breathe, when I need to take some time for myself (even if it is just to take a shower!). I am not saying this to make you feel bad for me, there are many people in a much worse situation, and things will probably get worse for all of us before they get better. I have it pretty good, all things considered. We are all together, we are all healthy, and we all have a job (except for the kids and dog, but they are off the hook). That isn’t to say that I am not dealing with an unanticipated life change, job security issues, or family stress. This is a time of great anxiety for all of us, regardless of race, class, or gender.

So how do I handle this and try and keep calm? If I’m being honest, many days I don’t! Some days, I have a meltdown. Some days, it is just too much. Some days I am just okay, and all of this is okay. What I do have are skills, tricks, and activities that I have learned from the wonderful AISD SEL team to help keep me grounded (also, check out these resources from CASEL, Panorama and the American Evaluation Association).

Cool tip: All SEL-related activities and tools for kids can be used by adults. Do what works for you! Look over my list and see what speaks to you.

Breathe. I know this sounds silly but breathing helps… a lot. Find an app and take a mindful moment if you can. Even if it is just for 2 minutes. Some apps have great meditations for kids and adults (like Calm, GoNoodle, or Mind Yeti) which can be helpful for the entire family. Do yoga with your dog, cat, or family! Do whatever you need to do to find some inner peace – if only for a few moments. AEA even offers meditation practices.

Go outside. See the beauty in nature. Walk, run, ride your bike and take a break from the media. Think of things bigger than yourself. [Andrea’s note: And, bonus, Vitamin-D is an important protector against COVID-19.]

Practice self-compassion. Talk about how you are feeling. Call a loved one, a friend, a family member, a colleague, anyone. We are all in this together, and chances are someone else is probably experiencing what you are experiencing and feeling what you are feeling. If you can’t talk to someone on the phone/FaceTime/email, write a letter to yourself as though you were a friend or loved one. What would you say? Treat yourself with the loving kindness with which your friend would treat you.

Get creative! Make something. Bake, cook, build, make or listen to music, create art. Creating something gives us a sense of purpose. Coloring is often meditative and therapeutic. Take some time and color – inside or outside the lines! This can also help if you are out of work or are no longer finding meaning in your work. We all are doers and want to feel like we are contributing, and sometimes that means baking cookies.

Take a break. Sometimes we just need to take a break. Those emails can wait. Ask your partner to watch the kids for a couple minutes. Reschedule a phone call. Take some time for you. Doing so will help you will return to your work, family, or friends in a better place than where you were when you left them. Sometimes this can even mean taking time to be a parent! Stop and look at trains with your kids, go on a scavenger hunt, play baseball, fly a kite. Do whatever you need to do to be present in the moment with them. They will appreciate it, and so will you.

Reflect. Take some time to write down your feelings. It is easy to get caught up in the negative stories and all of the uncertainty right now. Start a gratitude journal and think of positive things to counterbalance the negativity.

If you are experiencing severe anxiety or depression, reach out for help. Most therapists are offering telemedicine, so please do not isolate yourself. Contact 1-800-950-NAMI (6264). Or visit https://www.nami.org/Find-Support/NAMI-HelpLine

What other tips do you have? Let us know and we’ll add them to our list!

One final note, since a majority of us are working from home, the days can begin to bleed together. Do things to distinguish the days from each other. At our house, we have family movie night on Friday which we all look forward to. My daughter has dance on Saturday, and we do a “church” of sorts with my parents on Sunday. Find a routine and keep to it. Find things to look forward to, like movie night. Stay engaged with others in your family and community. This is hard, and will likely get harder for all of us as the weeks progress, but together, we can get through this.

by Andrea Hutson

Those of us who have little kids have become a tribe through this COVID-19 pandemic. A tribe of multi-tasking, always on, juggling being full-time parents, working, and attempting to be teachers, too. It’s a lot.

Sometimes, balls get dropped.

Here’s an example from my very first at-home meeting during Covid-19.

It was a morning meeting, and my 3-year old son had just woken up. My husband had stayed up way too late working and was fast asleep in the bedroom.

“I’ve got this,”  I thought. I poured a bowl of cereal for my son, went to my office, and opened my computer, ready to log into the Zoom meeting. As I was about to click the link, I heard:

“MOMMY! I need you!!!” 

OK. Change of plans. I decided that instead of logging in to the computer, I would dial in so I could be more mobile.  I grabbed my cell, logged in, and walked to the kitchen. I found my son on the verge of a meltdown.

“Mommy,” he said, through teary eyes, “I need you to help me eat my cereal!”

Meanwhile, the call had gone through and I could hear other people on the line saying good morning. [I wisely stayed on mute.]

“Look buddy,” I said, reasonably, “I am on a call for work, and I know you can eat cereal all by yourself. Can you try, and be quiet so I can hear?”

His response? “NOOOOOO!!!!! I CAAANNNNNN’T!”

Ugh-of course.

I tried to walk away for just a second so I could at least say hello, but found I had a screaming toddler barnacle attached to my leg.  Meanwhile, the host of the meeting was saying, “I see someone else on the call. Andrea, is that you?  Andrea? Andrea?”

Working at Home With Kids is a Disaster

And like any disaster, there are management practices that can mitigate the challenges. Since that first day, I haven’t had any other full-blown crises. Here’s what has helped:

• Set a consistent schedule. My husband has a demanding job working with many clients and suppliers in Asia & California, so he’s often up late. But, luckily, business doesn’t really get rolling until 10 or 11 AM.  After that first challenging meeting, we set up a schedule. I start work at 6 AM.  We tag team from 11 – 2, and then he gets the late shift.  Getting up at 6 AM is no fun (I am decidedly not a morning person), but it’s working.

• Try for no (or limited) screen time in the mornings. Of course this is easier said than done, but I do feel this is helpful for (1) my guilt level in letting your child watch too much TV/iPad (2) giving him something to look forward to in the afternoon and (3) setting up some general rules. This has helped him learn to play by himself better, as well, which has been an unintended bonus. My (4) is that I only let him watch iPad after nap, which means that he has an incentive to take a nap (always a battle in this household).

• Work in a room with the door closed. I’m lucky enough to have an office, even though the door doesn’t lock. The physical separation is good for many reasons, including that it curbs the (otherwise constant) question, “Are you done working?” You may not have an office, but there’s probably somewhere you can get away. I know of a popular podcaster who records all of her podcasts in the closet. You’ve gotta do what you’ve gotta do.

• Undershare. Strategic use of the mute button is extremely helpful if you’re trying to make lunch, direct an art project, or change a diaper and be on a conference call.  Many of our meetings are now on Zoom or another video conferencing platform.  You can turn off your camera, too, even if everyone else is sharing theirs. I recently watched a savvy mom who showed herself quickly on camera, then turned off the camera for the rest of the meeting. I think this made her look very professional, while minimizing her stress level and visual distraction for the other attendees.  

• Overshare.  Let your boss or clients know that you have children in the household and ask them to help you during this time. I feel that most people are very understanding. My Director of Evaluation, Lindsay, has TWO littles to take care of. We try to schedule meetings before the kids wake up or during nap time.

• Be flexible. Sometimes, nothing else is going to work but pulling out the iPad or altering your schedule for the day to take care of your kiddo(s).  Realize that this is not forever! You can knock off of work early to work on a project with your kids or even skip all or part of a meeting if the day isn’t going well.  This time, too, shall pass — and — as my mother-in-law likes to remind me – “you’ll miss it.” While it’s hard to imagine missing the awful impacts COVID-19 is having on the world and our daily lives, there might be elements that are good in all of this. For our kids, who often get shuffled from bed to school to activities to dinner to bed, this might even have the opportunity to be a pleasant memory. Maybe.

And check out Ann Emery’s free mini-course on looking and sounding professional on camera while working at home.  It helped me immensely.